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Wednesday, August 25, 2004
i did something mean today. i feel bad. i guess its a mean kinda day.
i yelled at kids for being loud. at a daycamp. how bizarre is that? too wierd. i'm starting to be mean to them. i dont want to, i just can't stand when they don't listen. esp the ones that are like 11. the 5 and 9 year olds i kinda understand. but 11 and 15. come on. you're almost in high school bro. what a loser i am.
then i played a mean joke. sorry eli. it was really amusing at the time. but now that you're not answering your phone i feel reeeeaaaallly bad. i kinda hope this is his joke to get back at me, and hes not really mad. that would be awkward. its been 3 hours and he hasn't called back. is this a trick? it was really funny though. i must admit. so right now i'm feeling halfway horrid because i think he hates me, but halfway okay cuz i'm pretty sure he didnt take it personally and hes just breakin my balls now and makin me sweat. all the same. i'm watching CMT right now cuz thats mindless music thats not too bad when you dont feel like dealing with ashlee simpson or celine dion on standard music television. theres this really wierd song on now, and theres war protests going on, but yet the song is prowar i think. its bizarre. this guy sucks. "you ain't gunna be my judge cuz my judge will judge us all one day" wtf mate? chill out bro.
so i'm here in VA for camps. clearly amazing time. a week all expense paid trip with sarah owens. its practice for when we move in together. weeeee!
chilled with kaitlin last night after being lost in the worst part of DC. sucked. but the beers, good music, and smokes made it almost worth it. ;o) we're supposed to go see Princess Diaries 2 tonight. but shhhhh! sarah is sleeeeeeeeeeping. teehee.
okay. now i'm hungry. i'm waking that virgin whore up. no one gets in between me and my eats. not even the love of my vag.
but either way. this is my song for her:
well i'm an eight ball shootin double fisted
drinkin son of a gun
i wear my jeans a little tight
just to watch the little boys come undone
i'm here for the beer and ball busting band
gonna get a little crazy just because i can
you know i'm here for the party
and i ain't leavin to they throw me out
gonna have a little fun gonna get me some
you know i'm here, i'm here for the party
i may not be a ten but the boys say i clean up good
and if i give em half a chance
for some rowdy romance you know they would
i've been waitin all week just to have a good time
so bring all them cowboys and their pickup lines
you know i'm here for the party
and i ain't leavin to they throw me out
gonna have a little fun gonna get me some
you know i'm here, i'm here for the party
don't want no purple hooter shooter just some
jack on the rocks
don't mind me if i start that trashy talk
you know i'm here for the party
and i ain't leavin to they throw me out
gonna have a little fun gonna get me some
you know i'm here, i'm here for the party
;oP
Posted at 06:55 pm by jerseygypsy
Friday, August 20, 2004
maybe i'll wake up tomorrow
talked to dave today. first time in a while. i miss him. even though we're probably seeing the same amount of eachother now as when i was in jersey, i miss living that close. new mission: same as old, find dave a girl. he's top priority. i thought tray bay was an excellent match. who knows what happened there. hes so shy. love him though. l o v e h i m.
quick step tomorrow. its the show i've been waiting for. wooo! too bad their management is poor and mom can't have anyone write an article. poop. after the party its the afterparty. weee...and thats my house folks. amped. purely amped.
my kids' show is tomorrow too. who knew i loved kids. amazing. my job is so rewarding. its probably the only job i've ever had where i look forward to it. and there is no calling in sick so i'm forced to take it seriously.
speaking of serious.... school starts soon. with a dueling wa wa waaaaaa and a whoo who. i got a lot of things ready for next week. a kick ass cork board for starters. i'm really proud of it. my schedule isn't as bad as i thought it would be either. it kinda rocks a little. finding time for megan will be rough though.
... so will the rooming situation. pray for me.
and nello. oh nello dear. how i do love thee, but how i want to squish your head sometimes. - but i'd totally fix it right after so it would grow back - things are poopie. no one knows whos fault it is. we're italian so its the other one's fault automaticaly. "this has to be about finding a solution not blaming someone for their actions" - mom, well said. sometimes she shocks me how right she always is. i hope we find a solution soon. cuz this purgatory is killing me.
LI this weekend. my premiere visit thats not nsync related. which is sad. not cuz i'm an nsync loser. but because its NOT for nsync. and never will be again.
::moment of silence for our lost ones::
but yeah man i'm amped. PLUS i get to meet jen. i hope i haven't built her up too much. but she seems cool from what i hear.
i misstracy. comebackto usmydear.
i pray she doesnt go on my all too long list of missing persons. friends who you see but once a year. and talk to online to say hey whats up and thats it. i know she wont. but its kinda my biggest fear right now. my vicki is only just being redeemed from that list now. but thats really and truly scheduling conflicts. but we're closer in location now so all shall be well.
ps. the quitters rock my face off. i highly reccommend their stuff.
www.dontquitnow.com
Posted at 03:51 am by jerseygypsy
Sunday, July 11, 2004
we've changed. as people and couples do.
but the fact remains that i wont give up
i refuse.
i made a promise to love and keep you forever. on a pinky swear, remember?our own marriage ceremony in my room.
i hold that to its fullest extent.
i just hope that you still do too.
Wyclef:
Excuse me, if you see me screamin'
But deep in my mind, I'm only dreamin'
Cause if I wake, girl, and you're not by my side
I feel like happy is no longer alive
So please, shorty, before you walk out that door, bovie
Would you listen to my song?
Claudette:
If only, I give you one last chance (one last chance)
with the devil, you can no longer pray (no)
You got to be faithful, so we could be proveful
Build a family, and find our own destiny
So just, before I run to the block,papi
I might listen to your song
Wyclef:
Ooh, before you walk out that door listen to me!
Refr.: Wyclef (Claudette)
They say two wrongs don't make it right (don't make it right)
So if I'm wrong I don't tryin to fight
I try to have some dinner with some candle light (yeah)
Lay out in the bed an make love all night
Claudette:
So, papi, I won't leave,
Maybe I'll just stay
Promise me that you'll do the same
Wyclef:
Then I will love you like I never loved
Claudette:
Touch me like you never touched me
Wyclef:
Yo, now if you give me the chance, girl, I'm gonna show you
Claudette (Wyclef):
Now baby understand (I understand),
that I'll forgive you
I'm gonna forget, that you brought me a threat (baby,baby,baby)
Wyclef:
But I have grown from a thug to a man
build my castle with bricks and no longer with sand, oh girl
Claudette:
And just before I run to the block, baby
I might listen to your song
Wyclef:
Ow before you walk out that door, listen to me
Refr.
Claudette:
I'm so used to be mad high
can you see the sunshine no more
I'm so used to pain that the
no sick the fills like a cure
Wyclef:
but defundy you gave me the keys to your soul
and let me in
I'm gonna love you
Over(over), and over(over)again
Wyclef (Claudette):
Yo, now if you give me the chance, girl, I'm gonna show you (show me)
ooh (yeah)
I ain't gonna stay on the block no more.
I come home early girl, I promise (yeah)
Posted at 10:45 am by jerseygypsy
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
hi.
its been a while.
tracy graduated today. nicole and i decorated her car. it was hot . and by hot, i mean trash. i feel bad for nicole cuz she had to drive it to graduation for tray to drive home. however, this is coming from thee girl who drove through camden today with "VAG" and "VAG Princess" written on her back windows (we got carried away).
i miss texas. as complicated as it was this year. i wish i could have watched more Willy Wonka with Tyler. spent more time outside at the pool. Conquered Disc Golf with Matt. Hung out with Stephen the day after the party so my flipout could be explained in person with smiles and hugs instead of drunken phone calls and IMs. i wish i could have watched more MacGyver with Jordan, or at least hung out. Next time i have to spread my time instead of devoting it to Jay directly. Don't get me wrong, i love my Jay. But i don't like the fact that by the end of our trips theres so much tension we want to kill eachother.
silly silly.
i need to shower. B.A.T. kicked my ass today. it felt good to get all this shit out. writing it and working out with it on my mind.
maybe its true, music and physical activity stimulates the brain.
Posted at 10:32 pm by jerseygypsy
Friday, January 16, 2004
i love the track tyler sent me. its a fantastic chill out and clear your mind song. its my favorite. its very simple. not complex, basic plucking of string in an unformed pattern, but its so beautiful... the ocean sounds are killer by the way. maybe its this wonderful to me because its from tyler and it reminds me of texas. reminds me of fun times we had, and fun times to be.
i can't wait for this summer. when its 1,000 degrees and i'm maxin and relaxin with my boys. my true boys. the boys who have seen and heard it all. the ones i can trust not to say a word.. mostly because they don't know any of my friends. but i can't see them narcing on me to anyone.
i wish nello knew them. i wish he could come with me. he knows jay, but its not the same without the rest of the atmosphere... plus i was a bitch when jay was here. which i feel SOOO bad about. i'll probabaly continue to apologize to him until the end of my days.
i miss my texans.
Posted at 01:26 pm by jerseygypsy
Thursday, January 15, 2004
my favorite thing in the world is when you find out someone is untrustworthy. then you know to avoid that person at all costs. the unfortunate part of this revolution is that you must be betrayed in someway in order to obtain the information. and it hurts, a lot. and its all you can really think about for the next day or so. reviewing conversations rapidly in your mind. scrounging for every thought you've ever blurted about someone else or yourself to this person. because you know, that somewhere, someone else knows these thoughts. someone you probably don't know, or don't like, or don't like them to know.
it hurts. .i trusted. again. and i got burned. like it wasn't hard enough for me to face my biggest fear of letting people that far into my life where they were around for more then a few months. most of the time i release people of their friendly duties so i don't have to open myself up. so i can keep my mystique. but you. you got to me. from the first moment you grabbed my soul and wouldn't let go. only now, after over a year, my picture of my beautiful guardian angel is beginning to diminish.
the great part is i found out now. now before i you in any further. before i gave you information to destroy me, and our friendship. it is damaged, i'm not saying its not. but not ruined. unfortunatly i love you too much. and i can forgive this one time. but i dont think i can take another disappointment from you. neither can anyone else. you're hurting all who love you. .all who are close. i wish you would look around and see things as they are, and not through your twisted spoiled mind.
and believe in the things you say. not just let words flow like blood from a cut artery. but really mean it.
thats the other shitty thing about knowing you can't trust someone. .not only can you never tell them or confide in them again. but you can never believe a word they say either. every word of empowerment, of modivation, sorrow or joy, i must discard. i must take them now with a grain of salt. instead of putting all of me into those few words.
the good part is, i know the insults are only halfhearted too now. at least i have that to hold on to. surprisingly that is whats keeping me from never talking to you again.
i feel so empty. so alone.
but at least i know i'm not the only one going through this feeling. this unsureness of friendship. i know that three other girls go through the same thing each time.
what would i do without my fairy, my snorter, and my emo rocker?
and ps dickwad. i didn't see my cousin because she was in fucking england. maybe you should find out all the facts before you spit your insults so quickly. and as for nello and i. i hate your bay more then you could ever dislike mine. .but never say an unkind word. i expect the silence from you. its not all about you asshole.
Posted at 11:48 am by jerseygypsy
Thursday, December 11, 2003
girls just wanna have fun
1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES? all different colors. and plastic. yeeeeeah white trash
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Dragon Lance Chronicles Vol 1: Dragons of Autumn Twilight. i love how gay i am. ps. i've been reading the same page each  night for about a week.
3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? laptoppin it up. holler at me son.
4. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BOARD GAME? trivial pursuit. drinking optional
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? i've been reading bridal magazines a lot lately. instigated only by my sisters planning and the fact that i work in a place that sells them
6. FAVORITE SMELL? ice. yeah ice. hardcore.
7. LEAST FAVORITE SMELL? ely 108
8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE Morning? its really a train of my ADD thoughts rolled into one... it goes like this... oooh nsync. hi jc!... do i have to work today? i wonder if nello left me messages.
9. FAVORITE COLOR? blue. cuz i'm clearly a man.
10. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR? can you honestly have a LEAST favorite color? i dont think i have anything against any color in particular.
11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? whenever i get to it
12. FAVORITE CHILD'S NAME? clitoris, and anthony (but thats only valid if you live and brooklyn and are standing on your stoop screaming for him to come in for supper.)
14. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? chocolate. vanilla is boring.
15. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? yes. but i'm too accident prone to do it right
16. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? my little Gund. yeah named after the brand. .i thought it was a name tag when i was little. leave me alone
17. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY? depends, am i driving through it?
18. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? 2000 volkswagon golf. Sherman! but my real love was my 1995 blue chevy caviler.
20. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE WHO
WOULD THAT BE? gene kelly. or mrs ciccone
21. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? pink elephant. .actually, i've never had it, but it sounds like so much fun!
22. WHAT IS YOUR SIGN &YOUR BIRTHDAY? aquarius, destined for greatness or madness.... actually capricorn.
23. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? yes.
24. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE? .. anything involving sarah's vag.
25. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOR HAIR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? born with it. but purple streaks would have been fun too
26. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? did i drink it already or was it filled halfway?
28. FAVORITE MOVIE? hmm. sandlot maybe.
29. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? most of the time. but my keyboard likes to type extra letters.
30. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? boxes of nsync pictures and articles that can't fit on my wall.
31. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 5
32. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH: football with lots of beer and hot wings! yaaay for me and sarah! actually hockey, but only if its live.. its more fun that way
33. WHAT IS YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST FEAR? why do you want to know? so you can scare the shit out of me someday?
34. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU. richard is a genius.
35. PERSON MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? no one being that i'm not sending it to anyone
36. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? see above
37. FAVORITE CD? nsync, no strings attatched. OR incubus, science.
38. FAVORITE TV SHOW? full house. and csi
39. KETCHUP OR MUSTARD? .ketchup.
40. HAMBURGERS OR HOT-DOGS? hamburgers, but only when my dad makes them
41. FAVORITE SOFT DRINK diet coke
42. THE BEST PLACE YOU HAVE EVER BEEN? the marshmellow couch.
43. WHAT SCREEN SAVER IS ON YOUR COMPUTER RIGHT NOW? that weird floating changing flower box thing.
Posted at 12:11 pm by jerseygypsy
hi. been a while eh? hair and work have me crazed. i can't think. i didnt go to work today. mom called and said "if shes going in, shes not speaking." somehow my boss understood my mom, but when i say things like that to her its a blank stare.. must be a secret mother code or something.
hair opens today. .fiiiiierce.the band sounds great. i can't believe we only just started rehearsing with them. i almost started a fire when i tripped over the piano lamp and the lightbulb broke. ah well, its only the walt whitman center. and i wasnt the only one to do it. just the first. copy cats.
kerry comes home saturday. not in time to see my show. .bitch. juuuust kidding. i'm so happy she's coming back. theres so much i want to tell her. and so much i want to hear. i miss her less and less cuz i know she'll be here soon. but it will feel vacant when i dont see her in the audience.
 eaglesys3: hahaa...buffalo butt-breath <---best line ever in the history of movies, possibly
i talked to neil last night. hes one fun dude. we quoted sandlot. which ps is the best movie of all time. .i wish you still talked to him. i think you wish the same.
i'm so lazy. i dont even feel likedoing this. i want to lounge around and do things i cant normally. like watch Full House (best tv show ever) and wash the bra i've been wearing as my costume for 4 days straight. it smells soooo rank dude.
i'm off to do nothing. .and celebrate in my nothingness.
ta ta for now.
Posted at 11:27 am by jerseygypsy
Wednesday, December 03, 2003
so the viewing was the other night. .we all wore pink to honor not really to mourn. we mourn her passing for us, but celebrate it for her. we had catered food, wine, the whole bang. nello came. which i really appreciate cuz i saw how uncomfortable he was there.
i think all this beads, flower, happiness buisness is going to my head. i accepted things that had burned me so deeply i never thought the pain would end. i let it go. i let it all go. its not worth it. .theres to much love in me to be clouded with bitter hate.
to bear: "men have amino acid stored in their penis, thats why they're so evil, it eats at their insides" ~ dharma and greg
i thought you might enjoy that. 10 days.
8 days til the show opens. its starting to scare us all. i dont think its truly hit a few people that its a real live show in 8 days. and they dont get yet what we're here for. or that we're all pushing our lives aside, they should at least try to do the same.
good news is, my voice has never felt more healthy. i'm never tired, i keep hydrated. .its good news all around.
bad news: "aint got no" is on top of someones shoulders.. if it werent for kegels i would have fallen off by now. ;o)
i love my tribe more and more everyday. i talked to courtney for the first time today. first real conversation. she intrigues me. i want to get to know her better.
jenn, my party girl - hell will hit the dorms next semester. you can count on that.
skylar, tracey and sarah - you are sent from heaven. who knows what i'd do without you. you keep my sanity.
kj - the lighting booth was never such a pleasure to look at. i need a hug though, i havent gotten on in like two days! good luck in the world series.
adam - um. thanks for you. you've done it again. you amaze me. and you know that.
to the rest of you - if you're as geeky as i am and you read this anyway - you're all so talented and so beautiful. .we all got some booty on us now lets shake it and shake it without books in our hands. ;o) we're gunna be great. i can feel it.
.we're finally a tribe.
now lets get our shit together
december 11-13 2003
8pm
walt whitman arts center
2nd and cooper streets
camden, nj
HairAtRutgers@hotmail.com to reserve tickets
Posted at 02:06 am by jerseygypsy
Thursday, November 27, 2003
*bless you. alcohol bloodstream*
well. the first thanksgiving and full day without grammy has come and gone. "another holiday gone," as she would say, almost as permission to bring on the next. she was old. and it was her time. but i'm still selfish and want her back. years ago grandma gave me a ring that grammy used to wear all the time, i found it when i got home and placed it on my finger immediatly. it makes me feel a little better.
my family grieves so strangely. the smallest thing is fought with such intensity. what wine to drink, who prepares what dish, and who helps out the most all become topic for argument. .. if i wasnt there i'd miss it though.
i wish kerry was here. i wanted nothing more but to split another bottle of wine with she and gina after the parents went to bed. she belongs here. i wish i could hold her and help her as she helps me. and then gina would call us morons and all would be right with the world. 16 days.
i feel a little empty. but she was 101. she died 2 days after her birthday. she made it that far. and she made it that far for me. i know that. even if she didnt remember why she was holding on that long. i remembered our promise from years ago. i knew in my heart she would honor it. thats why i had to go see her in the hospital. i wanted to see her before she left me. left all of us.
the service is saturday. the teddy bear i bought her is going in the casket. i felt special when i was told that. i feel bad now making mom pay me back for it. .maybe i'll give her the money back.but it really was something from all of us, it was just from my store and i picked it out. things will work themselves out.
i'm supposed to work tomorrow. i dont want to. i wont want to saturday either. i just want to go shopping and lay in nellos arms tomorrow. i wonder if he knows how deep my love runs for him. i can't even fathom it sometimes. only another week til the two year hit. i'm excited. i have rehearsal that day. bummer.
time to go. sleep. .or shower. or read. i dont feel like thinking or functioning.
Posted at 11:43 pm by jerseygypsy
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