my favorite thing in the world is when you find out someone is untrustworthy. then you know to avoid that person at all costs. the unfortunate part of this revolution is that you must be betrayed in someway in order to obtain the information. and it hurts, a lot. and its all you can really think about for the next day or so. reviewing conversations rapidly in your mind. scrounging for every thought you've ever blurted about someone else or yourself to this person. because you know, that somewhere, someone else knows these thoughts. someone you probably don't know, or don't like, or don't like them to know.

it hurts. .i trusted. again. and i got burned. like it wasn't hard enough for me to face my biggest fear of letting people that far into my life where they were around for more then a few months. most of the time i release people of their friendly duties so i don't have to open myself up. so i can keep my mystique. but you. you got to me. from the first moment you grabbed my soul and wouldn't let go. only now, after over a year, my picture of my beautiful guardian angel is beginning to diminish.

the great part is i found out now. now before i you in any further. before i gave you information to destroy me, and our friendship. it is damaged, i'm not saying its not. but not ruined. unfortunatly i love you too much. and i can forgive this one time. but i dont think i can take another disappointment from you. neither can anyone else. you're hurting all who love you. .all who are close. i wish you would look around and see things as they are, and not through your twisted spoiled mind.

and believe in the things you say. not just let words flow like blood from a cut artery. but really mean it.

thats the other shitty thing  about knowing you can't trust someone. .not only can you never tell them or confide in them again. but you can never believe a word they  say either. every word of empowerment, of modivation, sorrow or joy, i must discard. i must take them now with a grain of salt. instead of putting all of me into those few words.

the good part is, i know the insults are only halfhearted too now. at least i have that to hold on to. surprisingly that is whats keeping me from never talking to you again.

i feel so empty. so alone.

but at least i know i'm not the only one going through this feeling.  this unsureness of friendship. i know that three other girls go through the same thing each time.

what would i do without my fairy, my snorter, and my emo rocker?




and ps  dickwad. i didn't see my cousin because she was in fucking england. maybe you should find out all the facts before you spit your insults so quickly. and as for nello and i. i hate your bay more then you could ever dislike mine. .but never say an unkind word. i expect the silence from you. its not all about  you asshole.